now

Two years have passed and still I haven't moved. Things that I had to do shadowed things that I wanted to do. All I have done is few hours spent now and then, listening to myself and then the plunge into the grinding routine, into the vortex of spinning madness.

And today, even though I have all the time in this world, I am not moving. The thoughts of promises made, challenges thrown and dreams lived through are tormenting me. The very thought of the mounting number of dead deadlines is enough to kill me.

When I try to figure out why I'm static, I get a million totally unreasonable and irrelevant reasons. When I probe deeper, I find that the reason I'm not moving is that I'm not doing. I'm not doing things that are to be done.

Maybe I do not like what I have to do, maybe I'm not comfortable with what I have to work, maybe I'm totally unsure how it is going to work.

Including these, I have very few options.
I must become someone my soul directs or
I must start something to cater to what my heart wants or
I must work with options open for me right now and then later figure out what can be done.

I have decided to forget all the lapses and the aeons of delays made. I have decided to start tomorrow. If it is not tomorrow, then I shall consider myself unfit to survive in this world.