I wanted to be the personification of constancy. Now, I am almost a personification of change. Changes driven by influence, which are short lived, dumb and irritating.
Influence plagues me from all around. It pours me into vessels of strange shapes and finds it amusing.
In this phase of agitated volatility, I desperately search for inspiration, something or someone who can hold me down so that I can stop changing.
For now, I'm grateful to all that inspires, for they remind me who I am every now and then, though not for long.
A word from some m or h shifts me from suicidal thoughts to something less intense.
Surprise showers, wind, the piano, poems, they spend the wasted hours of my life and turn them into something worthy.
I wish that I find something that I can hold on to forever so that I can be rid of this disease and be myself, until then, it is time to flee.