Sunday, September 14, 2008

to you

I believed in this Universe. I believed that the whole Universe would conspire for the success of those who dream. I believed that the spirit of every dreamer had a significance here. I believed that I knew.

Whenever things happened untoward, not the way I intended it to be, I analyzed, I learned about the ways of the World, I found patterns. I believed that it was for the better and I was right every time.

Something happened.

Where else is so important for a dreamer that he has to leave here? Why does he have to leave? Why does he have to leave so suddenly? Why the typical way? What about the significance of his spirit? What about the respect for my knowledge and understanding of the World?

I feel powerless.
It has questioned my assumptions, my beliefs down to the roots.

I do not even have the energy to probe and analyze this
like I always did. I do not want to analyze things anymore. I have become sick of interpreting things. I'm sick of realizing the catch every time. I hate the way the Universe expects me to trust every time. I hate the way my mind grows out of the matter every time.

For now, I have nothing to believe in. I have lost confidence.

I am here because I have not lost hope, for it is hard to lose.

I've already started realizing the cues again. I saw him flying around the moon in my dreams. I hate to admit that my mind is evolving through this. I do not want an answer this time. But it is already on its way. I am too tired to stop it. I am too tired to slip into depression. I am floating between questions and answers right now. Here we go again...